Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Reflection on life and a random 4 month stay in Vietnam.

To begin, I'm asking please don't post this on Reddit, some random sites, or whatever. I'm not trying to start a war, or add fuel to a fire that doesn't matter anymore. I'm honestly doing this just to clarify why I'm going to Vietnam, what for, etc. I'm not trying to get a billion views with people or looking to start any drama.

First off, I hope everyone has a Happy New Year in the States. I, unfortunately, will be on a plane to Tokyo that'll take 17 hours, and by that calculation, I'm going to say that I'm going to fly through a lot of New Years today LOL. I'm going to start the New Year off in another country, and hopefully make 2014 a year for me and everyone out there to remember.

While waiting at the airport to head Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh City) through April, I decided to write this sign-off to explain my motives and what led to this decision. For the past few months, I've been living with Justin Wong, Floe, and Cecily. I have never met people who would put up with the bullshit that I've carried with me. If they didn't care about me, they definitely didn't show it. In them, I found a family, a group of friends who I cherish more than anything. Justin especially, has put up with more crap that I've thrown at him than I thought he could take. He's been there on my ups and downs, and he's always there no matter what. I've known him for a long time, and throughout it, there has never been a moment where he hasn't been there. He's been mad, even super pissed, but in the end, he's always calmed down and been extremely understanding. I can honestly say that if it came down to it, I'd take a bullet for that guy all day. For all he's done in this world, I would be content as long as he survived. But before this becomes a Justin love story, I'll stop.

2013 was a very eventful year for me. I went through so much and it was a roller coaster of extremes through every turn. I brought a team into the LCS on a whim, Team MRN. Yes, people were asking why I would name the team after myself... I don't know. I thought through my name, and my already-established reputation, that it would bring in a lot more people and show the fighting game community that there was a great game out there that we could also play. A game that has brought millions of fans together into a huge spectacle. On top of that, nobody else could think of a good name, so there. Through it all, it was more of a project than anything. As I said, it was on a whim, and it happened fast. I had no managing skills, no business skills, it was even said on the LCS website that it was a "project" I had come up with. And because of all of that, we were destined to fall. I truly regret the fact that not only did we lose, I didn't have a better relationship with all of my players. If I did, I don't think anything that happened after the LCS would have happened. I don't blame any of the players for what they did, but I am ever so grateful that ClakeyD and AtomicN stuck by my side and understood what everyone had agreed upon. All in all, I'm not mad at anyone and they did what they thought they had to do. I believed in all of my players. I thought they were a fantastic group, and what happened mid-season was something that could go either way, positively or negatively. I loved AtomicN as a person and he is a great guy, but with a losing record, I thought I had to do something instead of just losses pile up. In the end, it probably wasn't the players fault, it was mine. I was more relaxed than anyone even after seeing all the videos of teams with whiteboards, and teams researching and talking about their games. For us, it was "oh let's watch games, and just scrim and blame each other if we lose". We were more of a family than a team trying to get to Worlds. I will never blame Riot about anything, no matter what, because they gave me such a fantastic opportunity, and I screwed it up.

With that aside, there was MadCatz, who believed in me to help my team, help me get my brand out there, and help me with what I needed along the way. MarkMan, Leang, Nate, Twins, Chris and everyone else at MadCatz always was there whenever I needed advice, and on how to do things. I don't believe I'd be anywhere at all if it weren't for them. They brought me in back when Team MRN was just me and Mark told me, "I believe in you." After that, I tried my hardest to make them not regret the time and effort spent on me. I tried to do everything in my power to make them proud, and whether or not they ultimately are/were, I'm forever grateful to them. They will forever be #1 and for more information and products, please visit store.gameshark.com for all your peripheral needs.

So why am I going to Vietnam out of all places?
Honestly, I don't know. My mom has always asked me to go, and I never wanted to because when I was five years old, I remember having to take a bath in a little swimming pool-like thing and having to flush the toilet by pouring water into it. Those were things I never wanted to do again, but after research, I found that Vietnam has modernized. Also, I went to the psychiatrist a couple of times in the past year, who confirmed what I've thought was true all along, I've been depressed almost all of my life. I've always put up a face and tried to be happy like other people, but inside, I was hurting more than I allowed people to see. Floe told me that he knew from the time he met me I was a depressed person but he never said anything cause he thought I knew, but I didn't! I always thought that bad feelings were put away with happy feelings, but in the end, it was only temporary. I've always thrown myself out in the limelight, because for all the attention whoring I did, people would respond, and I got the attention I desired. I thought, "Oh wow, if people are giving me attention, that means I'm doing something right." But it turns out, that that feeling doesn't do much for me anymore. I love when my adrenaline is pumping and I shut someone down like Flux (because he sux), but in the end, it's not something lasting, not something that makes me feel alive.

I hope by going to Vietnam, I'll find another outlook on life. At this point, when I really look at life, I find myself bored. I want to take a break from what I've been doing for the past 14 years in the FGC/eSports and I want to become something more. I love the path that I took, and I have no regrets, but I find myself feeling like there's always something more out there for me to discover. I sit around all day playing games, and besides the competitive aspect, I'm really not to fond of them. This led me to question myself about whether I played games for the competition or the attention, and I'm still not sure what the answer is, perhaps some of both. People always tell me that whatever I put my mind to, I will find a way to do it. I've looked back at all I wanted to accomplish, and I've done about 90% of what I imagined doing while growing up (I never did become a stand-up comedian :]).

I'm not going to say I've been a good person by all means, but I don't think I'm a horrible person either. I have been on both the giving and receiving end of shit, if that makes sense. I don't do anything for revenge, instead I think my actions are more spontaneous than anything else. I think that the biggest joy in my life is to do something each day that I wouldn't think I would do... like going to Vietnam. In the end, I just want a change in my life and I want to come back a different person. I apologize to all the people I have wronged, but I don't expect any apologies from people who have wronged me. I want to come back from Vietnam as a skinnier, healthier, changed person. I don't want to have all this bad reputation following me all my life, because I don't think I deserve a lot of it. I know I deserve some of it, but most of the stuff (not saying ALL ;D) is a mixture of rumors and misinformation, but that's how the internet is though, right?

The goal for me is to come back as a person who people can look up to. Right now, I think it's 50/50, a lot of people like me, but a lot of people also hate me. I like it a lot more when people like me! I don't expect people to change their views on me overnight, or maybe even at all, but I will try my hardest to change them. They always say "people don't change", but I know that I will definitely come back and change that mentality. I don't have anywhere else to go but up, because honestly, I think I've reached the most bottom part of my life.

I'm not trying to feed anyone a sob story, rather I wanted to share what's been going through my life for the people who care. I hope to come back and impress everyone by becoming the Asian Brad Pitt. All in all, I hope to come back stronger than ever and to make people proud, especially my brother, of what I can try to achieve.

Thanks for reading,

To Nelson 'Remix' Reyes: Yesterday, you had a funeral that the FGC and everyone else who knew how awesome you were was more than willing to help with. We've lost a brother, a
comrade, a partner, and most of all, a person who always put others before himself. I will change the world like you told me to. You're the one who saw past my internet 'persona' and saw the guy who loves The Notebook, and gave me an opportunity to be your friend. If you've seen me in the past couple days, you know I have been deeply hurt by losing you, but I know you would have wanted me to be a stronger person. I'm sorry for not taking every opportunity to see you like you wanted me to. I'll definitely change my ways and come meet you up there. You and I will always be the tag team champions of the world, ain't no one can challenge us now for it. R.I.P friend, I'm so sad to see you go.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Scandals, Blow ups, and more.

      So yesterday, I was at Curleh Mustache and I saw my Twitter blowing up. A lot of things have been on my mind lately and this just was over the top. Honestly, this will be my first and last post on this. I'm not going to answer any questions. You guys can take it for what it is. I will not start a back and forth war, it's not worth it. I will try to put every single detail out there. You can analyze every word and find little defects in here, but I am just telling how it is. They are claiming that that thread wasn't directed towards pitch-forking me but a warning for new people? Yeah right... So let's begin.
     Start: So to begin, let's start about me making the team. The original 5 for the LCS qualifiers were obviously, MegaZero/ClakeyD/Heartbeat/Atomic/Me. After long days of trying to qualify, and actually getting into that spot for the tournament, Heartbeat was like "Real talk Marn, we need a better player". I said if we do that, we're still going to split the money evenly 7 ways (this includes djWheat getting a cut by the way). Everyone agreed. And to be fair, I'm not going to lie (Sorry Wheat if you're reading this), I was shady in the fact that I was going to use djWheat's cut for team expenses. How else would we pay for what we needed? I recall telling him that too. He helped me get my organization turned into a LLC with eSports Management Group. Riot wanted all organizations to be real, to be a LLC, to be legitimate, so that's what I did. So in a way, MegaZero was right. I got more than the players, and I won't even deny that.

      The House: Riot gives a certain amount to the teams for housing subsidy for three months. What they didn't include was 1. Security Deposit, and 2. May's Rent (Relegation month) and 3. Utilities. It was way above our means for a new team and in actuality, Clakey wanted to live near the beach, and everyone else said screw it, let's do it. BUT I do recall MegaZero not agreeing/liking it because I did give the option of doing what complexity did and getting 2 apartments for way cheaper. In the end, everyone loved the house and no one complained. Clakey and I split the extra money ($800) for the house because we had the two biggest rooms so no one had to pay anything extra.
     What happened: Keep in mind, that my name is not on the lease. A majority of the team did though and our website designer. MegaZero/Heartbeat/Atomic/Inflame/ClakeyD signed the lease. Why? Because for a nice house like that I wasn't even sure I had the credit necessary because I've never used a credit card before only debit. When we first got the house before even the lease was completely signed, I had my brother front us the money to get the security deposit and first month's rent. Obviously, he wanted to be paid back when Riot gave us the monthly salary. But we wanted to move in earlier, so he sent the money to me. When Riot gave us the money, my brother was still owed $5000. So I talked to the team and I said, hey team, we need $800 each from you guys to pay for the security deposit. We obviously get it back when the lease ends. They didn't say anything, they understood we needed it. So May rolls around and we're in relegations, and I go, "Hey guys, we need $800 each again to pay for May's rent. I talked to Riot and they'll advance us the money for May's rent if we qualify again." "Sure go ahead, so we get our money back when we qualify right?" "Yeah but if you guys lose..." "Yeah right." Ok. So Riot's problem is that I have no written confirmation of this. Nothing. I lived with them. Why would I Skype them over something so small? So yeah, I did take $1600 from their salaries.

     Breakdown: Players received $12,500 from Riot and Riot does give an extra $25,000. Which went to me, and I salaried myself $12,500 like the players with $12,500 that was supposed to be djWheats (but I used it for expenses). So I would say that I made it so that I made as much as the players did but $12,500 went to the MRN stuff.
This is a typical month of JUST electricity. Gas ~$100-200 and so is Water. On top of that is $100 for the Internet. I did edit this to get rid of personal info and the first number is the amount I paid and the second number is my balance after that. 

    Where did the money go?: So we were in the house for FIVE months. Two months not even in the house, and the new tenants didn't move in til July 1st. So from February - June, I was paying all the bills with the $12,500 that was put to the side. It was about $1500-$1700 a month, and if you guys want to see, I have the bills for May and June also and NO ONE WAS IN THE HOUSE and it was about the same. Even  in the MINIMUM of the $1500 a month, it turned out to be $7500~. On top of that, who has to pay for June's rent? All of them, but not me, cause I'm not on the lease. So could I have afforded to pay the rent/security deposit myself? No. I paid myself the same as the players. "Oh you should have just used your cut for all of this instead of them." No. I got paid the same for benching myself and I created the team from scratch, and we all agreed to it. There was ONE time I asked them for $10? or $20 each so we could get a maid to clean the house. We're all boys, we don't like to clean!

     Where do we go from here: I was the only one who stayed behind after everyone left about a week after relegation. I cleaned up the house, I did everything I could, and Clakey came and helped. Everyone else left the house just took their things and left it a mess. There were scratches on the wall from when they decided to take Heartbeat's bunk bed and split it in 2 to make Ecco's room with a bed. There were broken chairs. The couch was almost falling apart. The stove didn't work right. Just everything was left and I had to stay behind and fix and talk to the realtor about everything. We had to pay to get people to help us move the bed BACK UP the stairs. Scratches on the floor from the tables moving back and forth with the computers on them. Scratches from the computers. I could keep going and going but I'm not.
     What's been going on: Eventually about a month after we got relegated out of the league. Riot decides to email me saying that I owe money to the players. In my mind, I thought it was a mistake. There's no way, I took $1600 from them that we all agreed upon for the HOUSE that THEIR names are on. I'm supposed to pay that myself? No thanks. Not my problem. But I did decide stay behind and fix everything that needed to be fixed. I paid for new chairs. I did everything I SHOULDN'T have. Everyone else went back home, didn't care about the house anymore, and left it up to ME to do it. So instead of MegaZero talking to me HIMSELF, he decides to turn the whole team against me. Not Atomic / Clakey though because they have morals. So after a long back and forth with Riot, I told them that since the team wants $7000 from me, I will pay them back at the end of the month. The Realtor is accessing all the damages that the people on the lease will have to pay which is well over $7000 including June's rent, etc. so I would be PROFITING from THEM if they continue to pursue this. So in my mind, why doesn't everyone just walk away and just be done with this? 

      What's left: So these are texts from my players (except MegaZero since apparently I'm like the evil guy in all of this so I will just not talk to him as he chooses to ignore me and go to reddit for some reason). However, now he's claiming the whole team is against me but even if they are, why would I receive these texts? The situation here is: I did take away $300 from each member from the team, NOT FOR MY SELF GAIN, BUT because the bank didn't have all the cash they wanted since everyone wanted cash on the team except MegaZero (who got his wired to him) but I didn't take $300 from MegaZero afaik that time. But I did take $1100 away total from that last check. $300 from everyone til the next day which I lagged on is my bad. And $800 for the rent. But why would they only ask for $300 when I took $1100 from them? And EVEN WHEN I took $800 from them EACH, that = $4000. Guess who paid the extra $1800? Yeah, I did. Guess who paid the extra $1000 with the security deposit? Yep. I did. I always chipped in when I needed to. 

This is Heartbeat. May 15th almost a week after we got relegated. Tells me he needs to take care of all payment stuff of $300. Now he's asking for $1900. Yep. 

Here's Ecco. May 19th. He only wants $300 from the last check. But again, I took $1100, and now he's wanting $1600. I left $300 on his desk when he came back. It was gone when I went to the house to clean up.

 Atomic was only there for the deposit, he wasn't there for May's rent as he was just living there as a sub for free basically.
 ClakeyD, I gave him the $300 at E3 like he asked for. Nothing more to say here. He explains the mindset behind MegaZero. But let me clear things up and I've always said it. MADCATZ is a PRODUCT sponsor, I do not want or ask for any money from MadCatz. You can ask them that yourselves.
Nien is a different case. He thinks I owe him $1900 from his first check when he came into the team in Mid-March I believe. But the $1900 was given to Atomic because he played like a couple of games in March and the salaries from what I'm told by Riot is based on number of games played, NOT monthly. But I'll figure that out with Nien later, we still talk on a consistent basis.

      What now: I told them I would get them back the money by the end of the month but they will have to deal with what the Realtor wants. I could go with both sides, because I want to just get this over with and walk away. But they want to combine forces to try to get more money from me that I don't think they should get back. To be honest, I feel everyone knew what was going down when I asked for both those payments of security deposit / rent. For now it seems MegaZero has convinced them to be on his side and ask for the money back claiming they thought it was a short term loan and they would get the money back. DUDE YOUR NAMES ARE ON THE LEASE NOT MINE.

     SPONSORS: Other than MadCatz, we had Origin. Both PRODUCT sponsors. Mobafire signed us up and the team refused to make one guide a week. That's all we needed to do. One guide a week. And no one did it. MegaZero started on one and didn't finish it and Ecco did it instead. I had to TELL THEM that MOBAFIRE would give them $100 for each guide when I would be paying out of my own pocket because that's how lazy my players were. How would we get new sponsors if we couldn't even please our existing sponsors and get our name out there? I had to give them $10 each to wear the MadCatz headset around their necks when they played at LCS. I tried to use my name good or bad to expose my brand and to get the players out there so we could make more money. I realized how hard it was to get a sponsor throughout all this, and to be honest, I thought it would be easy being in the LCS. It wasn't, and it came at a price.

     TL:DR: It's my team, we all agreed to what I did. They aren't keeping their word. It's my fault I decided to take the $12,500 for expenses, utilities, etc. I can account for every penny I used with that if that's what it takes. I take full responsibility for taking the $12,500 extra, however if I had just split it within the team, it all would've gone back to the house anyways because then we would've had to split all the utilities / rent / etc. Their names are on the lease, they are responsible for the house, but all left after we got kicked out of LCS and basically made me do all the house work. I might be a little off on the math, but the rest of the money + some of my money was used to pay the rent of June before the new tenants moved in on the 1st of July. Everyone but Atomic/Clakey is pursuing me for money. I never asked them for money for utilities, it was all paid for by the money I put on the side. I did pay myself the same as the team because I saw myself an equal, people might not see it that way, but I put a lot of work in creating the team, benching myself, etc. We lost relegation and now the team wants money back from me for having to pay rent for the month of May after we lost. I'm supposed to give them money back for their responsibilities. Riot said I should have had written consent, I lived with them, don't need to Skype if I'm there. So basically Riot wanted me to withdraw the money and then ask for $800 after handing them the money instead of just taking it so I could pay the Realtor with it straight from my bank account. I wired her the rent money through the team account every month. They did not say anything until we lost and were completely out. Everyone had a part to play in all of this and unfortunately, it went down the wrong path. Security deposit was used mostly for all the damage that went to the house, I paid for June's rent even though I didn't need to. I take full responsibility for my actions, but they won't take theirs. They broke their word, and now we're in this big crap fest that we shouldn't be in because of money. More money, more problems. They can claim that they are young and blind, but they knew about everything they agreed to.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Future and beyond.

    I've been hiding a lot lately. Or just being lame. I've been staying at my friends (@Jwonggg and @Floejisan) place ever since we lost. I can't sleep much. I can't even think straight. It's hard to see how much I've come since the beginning of my fighting game days. I've thought about everything that I've accomplished, everything I've failed at, and everything that I can hopefully do in the future.

    I've apologized to countless people over the past week about losing. MadCatz has been supportive and they're probably the ones that keep my head up the most. I love Markman (@MarkMan23) and Leang (@userSDK) because they seem so genuine in helping me get back on my feet. The more and more I come out of hiding, the more I realize how much I start to appreciate everyone being there for me.

    So what happens now? In nine days, I'll be traveling to my home country, Vietnam. I wasn't actually born there though, but hey I'm Vietnamese, so in the end, I had to have come from there somehow ya? I'll be gone for about 2-3 weeks to clear my head, and to figure out where everything goes from here. My plans aren't as foolproof as much as I want it to be. I actually haven't been to Vietnam in ages... Last time I went was probably when I was like 5 years old... That's muddafuggin 20 years ago.

    I remember when we had to poop/pee into a "toilet" that didn't flush and we had to pour water into it so it would flush... Taking a bath outside in a big round plastic thing with a hose in front of everyone... Imagine if I had to do that now... So many people would go blind! I wasn't as big back then I promise! But my mom has told me things has changed, and they're up to date with technology now... And I mean if Saigon Jokers is around, that has to mean something!

    As for the future... I'm going to be practicing League of Legends a lot. I haven't given up. Yes, a lot of people will doubt that I have the skill to be good at the game, but I know in the end, I can be good. I'm not there yet, and I understand that, but I've tried to do worse things before, and for some reason I always am able to do what I feel like I should do. I'm going to become the best mid that everyone talks about. I will change the world. I will make people understand that through sheer willpower that anything is possible.

   Yeah, I knew I wasn't ready for the big leagues when I benched myself for ecco... But in the end, it's better for me to cut some reliance on everyone, and have some reliance on myself. When I had to just watch my team slowly lose in a fantastic series to VES... I was devastated, heartbroken, and felt so bad that I couldn't do anything about it myself. It wasn't ecco's fault that we lost... It was collectively everyone's, including mine.

    I wasn't one of the top managers... I know that. I made a lot of mistakes. I did nothing as I had planned for the team. I was enjoying the ride too much. I sucked. I'm horrible. And it's not something that I'm willing to do over again. I'm going to become a better person. I'm going to show the world that people do change. I cared about the way my team looked too much with shirts. I cared about the way my team was presented. But I shouldn't have. I should've been more productive.

   In the end, I'm looking towards the future more and more everyday instead of hiding in the corner hoping everything will get better. I have to do it myself and not just let pure luck come at me. It's going to be a long and tough road but I'm sure I'll make it... Because I dreamed all of this for the very few hours of sleep I had. This whole blog, I dreamed it.

Shirts will be made available for pre-order for 2 weeks only. This is probably the last you'll see of my shirts. If you had pre-ordered on my website before, you have been refunded / cancelled. If you've paid for my shirts before through me, I have either shipped out your shirts or refunded your money. I can't do all of this anymore especially by myself. So I found help in one of the best clothes I've ever worn / seen. So you can find and pre-order shirts from www.brokentier.com.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

So. The dream is dead.
    I was going to make a vlog, but even writing this, I'm getting brought to tears so I'm just going to keep it in text so I don't get made fun of. Fat guy crying is usually always funny.

    Back even when I was in fighting games, not even making much money. My brother told me "Live your dream, do whatever you want. But at the end of the day, if it makes you happy, I'll support it." I've ALWAYS looked up to my brother. You could say that in my eyes, he's my hero. My parents were always busy working trying to provide a life, and my brother would not go to the University he wanted to, to stay home, go to a local university and take care of me. He's always been the one I wanted to make proud because he sacrificed so much for me. He's been the one guy who drives me to try to be successful in eSports because it's my dream to be. I always believed that one day video games would blow up as it did in the LCS. So this is where the story begins.

    When I made Team MRN, people actually don't know I made it off of gambling and winning a huge amount of money a long time ago and sponsoring a guy named "Wolfkrone". It had it's ups and downs, and to be quite honest, I lost a lot of it gambling even more so it sucked and he left the team. And as funny as it sounds, Team MRN consisted of just.. Marn for awhile.

    I had been friends with ClakeyD for awhile and I always feel I see a lot of potential in players. Yeah, everyone will hate on his jungle but to be honest, he's never liked jungling in the first place. It's something I forced him to so I could also help him live his dream. Playing video games for a living. At first, I was on the team, then I kicked myself off the team because I was bad. Truthfully, I would rather sit on the sidelines now after playing fighting games for over 12 years. And so blah blah Cinderella story. We made it in.
    It's been a fantastic three months with my team. We've had our ups, and a lot of downs actually. We fought a lot, we roster changed Nientonsoh in and took out AtomicN. But Atomic still lives with us and we are all still friends. Except Atomic and Heartbeat. That shit is mad awkward. We've practiced almost every day for 8 hours. We've watched anime together. Drank together. And just did stuff that genuinely made all of us happy, while being provided a life by Riot.

    But in the end, all of it didn't matter. We all knew we were going to break up Team MRN if we lost and we practiced so hard to NOT lose. We planned everything out, played a lot, practiced a lot, and in the end, we couldn't execute what we wanted. Why? As an LCS team, yes you get to play for 10 weeks against NA's best and you're going up against an amateur team. Should be easy right? In our eyes, it actually should've been. But what happened? We played like crap. We played like we were the same team at the beginning of the season. We played like our lives were on the line. Nervous, scared, let our opponents control the pace of the game. Yes, it is advantageous but it's also a disadvantage. LCS teams are playing with their lives and past three months on the line. Amateur teams I would imagine doesn't feel as much pressure as LCS teams.

    Yep, our record was shit. But the improvement that the whole team felt we had was just fantastic. Everyone thought everyone was getting better. Everyone said Clakey has gotten better than before. Everyone improved. But when I watched and Clakey got every objective out-smited... I never remember the last time in LCS he got outsmited. He's always been on point and I just couldn't believe it when I saw it. All of what happened just didn't make sense to me.

    So now, in the end, my dream is dead. So what next? Hopes for next season? Probably not. Because I feel like I had one of the best teams in the palm of my hand ready to go to World Finals. Yes, if the Lakers lose Kobe Bryant, they'll still find someone else. But I loved these guy more than anything and it sucks we have to part ways. MegaZero probably on the other side of this computer probably going why the fk is Marn crying but he doesn't know I'm typing this.

    I hope in the end, everyone gets back into the LCS, no matter what they have to do. MegaZero is just too good to pass up for any team. Nientonsoh is a god. Ecco/Clakey/Heartbeat/Atomic may not be up to par with reddit standards but I truly believe all of them are great players and this shouldn't have happened the way it did.

    I hope to come back stronger but right now, my drive is gone. I really just want to go into hiding. Because I feel like I just lost family. So the dream is dead. Team MRN is gone at least for now.

    It's not about quitting. It's the feelings I have that I disappointed my sponsor MadCatz, disappointed our fans, and worst of all, disappointed my brother. I've never had high hopes in my life so I wouldn't be disappointed... But in the end I disappointed everyone else.

   Before I end this, if anyone on my team reads this. Thanks for letting me live my dream, thanks for the good times, and thanks for just believing in what we could do even if we couldn't do it. I am grateful that you guys gave me this opportunity. It's definitely been a happy experience. But if someting starts, it has to end.

TLDR; Suck my fat. If you don't want to read it because it's too long, then what's the point.